The After-School Meltdown:

Have you ever noticed that your child, once so excited to run out of the classroom door, is now dragging their backpack behind them at pickup? They're tired, frustrated, and they just want to go home.

We see this often as everyone settles back into the school routine, especially around the third and fourth week of school. The newness has worn off, and everyone is feeling the pull of being in structure all day long. School is filled with expectations, lots of stimulation, time with peers, and often very little time to eat or decompress. That's a lot for little bodies and big feelings to carry!

On top of all that, children are building brand-new relationships with their teachers and classmates. While those relationships are still new, many children work extra hard to be on their best behaviour and hold their feelings in all day long. By the time they see a familiar, trusted face, those feelings are ready to come out!

In her book Rest, Play, Grow, developmental expert Dr. Deborah MacNamara explains that children need to be able to rest in their relationships with the adults who care for them. When a child feels they have to work hard to belong, there's no room to relax. But when they're with people they trust, they can finally let down their guard, and sometimes that looks like tears, grumbles or a big after-school meltdown.

How we help at Bright Eyes

For the first few months of school, we set up our space so children can truly rest. When they arrive, we offer:

• Quiet decompression time. We dim the lights and make sure the couch is ready for tired bodies that need a rest.
• Snack for everyone. Hungry kids are rarely happy kids!
• Fewer questions and expectations. Our space isn't filled with "What did you do today?" while everyone is still settling in.

We give each child a chance to connect in the way they choose, whether that's enjoying snack together, playing a quiet game, or simply having some space to be on their own or with a small group. Once everyone has eaten, we head outside to stretch our bodies and fill our lungs with some good old fresh air. Dr. MacNamara also reminds us that play is one of the ways children work through their feelings, so this unhurried playtime is just as important as the rest that comes before it.

We like to think of ourselves as the bridge between school and home. While we do have a centre culture and expectations we ask the children to uphold, we keep them simple and not too constricting, because the children have already had a full day of that at school.

Bringing it home

A few of the same ideas can make evenings at home a little smoother too:

• Have a snack ready at pickup or as soon as you walk in the door.
• Hold off on the big questions for a while. Connection first, conversation later.
• Offer a calm space, a cuddle on the couch, or some time outside before homework or chores.
• Name the feeling for them: "You had a big day, and your body is tired." It helps children feel understood.
• Remember that a meltdown after school often means your child worked hard to hold it together all day, and they feel safe enough with you to let it go.

It gets easier as routines settle in. You're doing great!

Want to learn more? Dr. Deborah MacNamara's book Rest, Play, Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers (or Anyone Who Acts Like One) and her website, macnamara.ca, are wonderful resources for parents.
-Lauren Creed